My Journey Into Fear

I recently decided that I couldn’t truly be a compassionate person until I fully understood the human condition. I also decided that fear is the driving force in all people so, to truly be compassionate, one must understand each individual’s fear.

 Wanting to be a more compassionate individual, I decided to partake in a series of experiments that would give me a greater understanding of fear. I began by choosing three situations that I – as a white, male adult – couldn’t comprehend. I then set out to experience each one them. 

The first situation was the fear a child must feel while being abducted. Thus, I promptly put on a diaper and a bonnet, stuffed a pacifier in my mouth and headed to my local playground.

I sat there in the playground for approximately two hours waiting for a man to pull me into his windowless van. No matter how cutely I cooed and giggled all I got were strange looks until the police arrived and tried to forcibly remove me from the park.

  Not one to let the presence of the police intimidate me, I upped my commitment to being a baby. I began crying and screaming and even defecated in my diaper. This resulted in a swift and brutal beating from the police.

The idea for my second experiment came when I read an article about a black man who was attacked by a group of white supremacists. Though I felt empathy for this man, I knew I couldn’t truly understand his suffering unless I experienced it.

  I quickly put on a zoot suit, a giant Afro wig, black face, and then shucked my way out of my apartment. To my surprise, I was immediately attacked right there in my own hallway and – not by white supremacists – but by my black neighbor Jim.

Though the result of this experiment was different than the one I was searching for, it did make me realize that black-on-black crime is tearing apart our ghettos and single apartment complexes in The Fairfax district of Los Angeles.

  Women, know this. I feel your pain. I know the harsh struggles of the sisterhood and, as a man, I want to apologize for the way we have treated you.  

Last week I got a dose of this treatment first hand when I dressed like a woman and walked up and down Santa Monica Blvd. in Hollywood. You wouldn’t believe the things men yell at the woman. This is what I heard from a number of passing cars, “Whore”,  “Suck my dick”, and “Faggot.” Why anyone would call a woman faggot is beyond me. However, I quickly learned that one should never be surprised at how deplorable men can treat women.

 One man even lured me into his car and forced me into sexual relations with him. Good thing I prepared myself for such a conflict. Prior to this experiment, I read a woman’s self-defense book that had been published in 1952 and was entitled, “Woman Relent.”

 As the book instructed, I didn’t fight and let the man have his way with me. As he humped, groped, and gasped about me I prayed to the good Lord Jesus Christ that he wouldn’t cut my throat. Luckily he did not.  He simply finished his task, threw a twenty on my face and demanded I see him next Thursday. I agreed, but next time it’ll cost him forty.

  I am sure it comes as no surprise to you that these experiences were emotionally scarring.  However, I believe that is a small price to pay to grow as an individual and have a greater understanding of humanity.